Black Days
by Kiba Wolf
Summary: Sebastian watches as he buries his pain daily, but that's about to change. Little does he know how deep the scar goes. Rated T for violence, child abuse, addiction.
1. Chapter I

_Black Days_

_Chapter I_

"Be sure to do the homework tonight; some of you need those points a lot more than others," the strikingly young teacher yawned. A handful of snickers bubbled up in response as friends goaded each other about needing extra points or failing the class. "Class dismissed."

The students clambered up and turned to make their way to freedom for the weekend, but before all could escape the teacher added on, "Oh and Ciel, see me after class." Most of the students were already on their way outside though, and none had the time to bother over teasing the unfortunate kid.

After a short moment the room was empty save for the teacher and the requested pupil. The teacher sat down at his desk and propped his feet up on the flat surface, peering over the top of his glasses at the rebellious looking young man before him.

"What did you need Mr. Michaelis?" the boy asked, obviously embarrassed and irritated.

"How have you been?" the teacher asked, blatantly ignoring the child's tone.

"Sir, no offense, but I really want to go home and have no time for idle chit-chat," Ciel answered through gritted teeth.

"Business as always," the educator drawled. "Then allow me to get right to the point." He sat up and narrowed his gaze at his young pupil, who returned the gaze fearlessly. "When was the last time you ate?"

The boy's mouth popped open, ready to respond to a different question, but was thrown off by the presented query. After a long moment, slack-jawed, he finally came up with a rebuttal, "That's none of your business!"

The teacher nodded sagely, mostly ignoring the rebuke. "If you're hungry I'd be more than happy to make lunch for you," he offered.

Ciel stared wordlessly for a long minute before snatching up his bag and marching towards the door. "I don't need your charity," he snapped without bothering to look back.

Michaelis frowned at this, letting out a long-suffering sigh.

_Obviously malnourished but he refuses to open up. _

The teacher found himself lost in thought for a time, until a fellow teacher barged in.

"Sebastian!" he called twirling into the room. "Let's go out for drinks!" Normally Sebastian Michaelis would aptly refuse to go out on a Friday night with his slightly over-zealous peer, but tonight felt like a good night to release frustrations.

"Sure," he answered, standing up and ignoring the shocked face of his peer. "I'll get my coat. What bar did you have in mind?"

"You've made my weekend!" the red-headed teacher howled, rushing out of the room, presumably to lock up shop for the weekend.

Maybe tonight Sebastian could drown his frustrations for a while, and maybe he could survive the pounding headache the next day, along with the guilt he had drowned the previous night. Sunday he would rest and prepare mentally for witnessing all the shit that happened in the halls that all the other teachers turned a blind eye to.

"Ready Sebastian?" the overly excited fellow teacher asked, grinning like a madman.

"Let's go," he answered, stand up and tossing his jacket over his arm.

The drive to the bar was uneventful, with Sebastian stewing over the young boy and the other issues of the school. The bullying, the abuse, the malpractice. It all made him sick.

"Hey Sabby, is something on your mind?" Grell asked, uncharacteristically quiet as he glanced at his companion from the corner of his eye. "You've been even darker than usual lately."

"Nothing more than the usual," Sebastian muttered, staring out the window with a forlorn look in his eyes. He tried to keep such emotion out of the classroom, but the façade usually fell through by the end of the week. Typically he would remove himself from everyone else before this happened, so Grell's hesitancy was not surprising in the least.

"If you say so…" the red head trailed uncertainly. "Oh! We're here!"

Sebastian broke his gaze from the darkness to behold the "bar" Grell had taken him to. A neon cowboy lifting a drink with mechanical motion accented the pink sign that proclaimed, "Gigi's Good Game." Men in cowboy outfits mingled with drag queens prancing into the bar, all chatting excitedly about the night's events.

"Grell?" Sebastian asked, closing his eyes and quelling his temper. "Is this a gay bar?"

"Maybe?" his companion answered uncertainly, fearing a backlash from his dark haired friend.

Letting out a slow breath, Sebastian nodded. "Okay, let's do this."

Looking positively pleased, Grell parked the car and jogged to catch up with some friends, leaving Sebastian to lag behind.

Any other day and he would have said no. Any other class and he wouldn't have agreed to going out with Grell Sutcliffe. Any other life time and maybe he wouldn't have found that poor child, with his sad face and uncertain movements.

He followed slowly behind the crowd, allowing the clamor to swallow him up, lost in his thoughts. The bar opened up around him, filled with smoke and sweet words. A few men winked at him and held up fans, daintily waving them as they whispered with their eyes trailing him.

It almost seemed like a costume party, rather than the bar it claimed to be. He saw everything ranging from straight up drag queens to cowboys to geishas. Some men were even dressed up as characters from shows, likely hoping to fulfill some kind of fantasy with their ideal partner for that character, if not themselves.

A loud man he at first mistook for Grell nearly ran headlong into him, laughing out an apology. "Sorry man, here have a drink!"

He proceeded to shove a sloppy shot glass into Sebastian's hand, not taking "no" for an answer. He was just going to dump the drink carelessly on the floor, but just as he was about to the alcohol called out with the promise of a faded memory.

Knowing he would regret it, Sebastian swallowed back the drink, making a slight face at the spotty flavor. After a few minutes it was apparent that there had been something else mixed into the drink, as room's colors started to sway and blur more than any alcohol could make them.

Somehow he found his way to the dance floor and was surprised to find himself swaying to the music a bit. A bartender dressed up in a flashy costume raced by on roller-skates, calling out free drinks. Sebastian's throat went dry and he grabbed one, downing it quickly.

After a while he noticed he happened to be dancing with someone, although he wasn't sure who. His partner needed a break after a few minutes, grinning happily. Sebastian followed him, not really sure why. They sat down and he offered to buy him a drink, which he accepted of course.

Sebastian talked with the man for a while, not really sure what they were talking about, but the man seemed to be having a good time so that was something. At least he could make this man happy, if nothing else. The man asked if he wanted a ride back to his place to hang out for a while.

Sebastian nodded and stood up, swaying uneasily. The man offered a hand, saying something about heading out to the car, when Grell suddenly re-appeared.

"Back off pretty boy," he snapped, slapping the man's hand away from Sebastian. "He's with me!"

Frowning in disappointment, the man backed away, but not before making a "call me" gesture. Grell flipped him off before guiding Sebastian to a table a little more out of the way than the rest. He helped his friend sit down just as a bartender came by with more drinks. Sebastian grabbed a couple of glasses and downed them quickly.

"Sebastian, what's up with you?" Grell asked, glaring at his friend.

"Nothing, just enjoying the drinks and whatnot," he answered innocently, slipping another shot.

"You almost went home with that guy!" Grell exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

Sebastian merely shrugged. "So?"

"_You_ almost went _home_ with a _guy_," the red-head explained, enunciating each word as if speaking to a child.

"You're not the boss of me," Sebastian muttered like an angry child.

Another round of drinks was offered and Sebastian willingly gulped up the burning alcohol. Grell looked at his long-time friend worriedly. He had never seen him so easily conform to something he would normally consider wasteful.

"Do you want a snack?" he asked worriedly.

"No, another shot would be nice though," he muttered, clutching his head.

"Maybe you should give it a rest?" Grell offered hesitantly. His friend glared balefully at him, before standing on shaky legs and walking off, ignoring Grell's protest behind him.

He still had him in his mind. That malnourished boy. He had to drown him, otherwise how would he get through the night? As he stumbled through the crowd, running into the men in costumes, he felt eyes on his back.

He turned and bleary eyes suddenly met very familiar, very confused, and very frightened eyes. He would have to drink himself to death to forget this moment.

"Ciel?" he whispered, although it would be impossible for the boy to hear him over the noise of the club. The boy—if it was indeed him, although Sebastian certainly hoped not—turned away and started to move swiftly away from Sebastian.

"Ciel! Wait!" he called, chasing after him. Sebastian didn't stumble once as he pushed men out of the way, ignoring their disdainful hisses. He followed as the boy ran out the back door, catching him just outside of the bar on a deserted parking lot.

Panting hard, the young boy struggled. "Let me go!" he hollered, kicking out towards Sebastian, who had a firm grip on the collar of the boy's costume.

"Now knock it off!" the teacher scolded, seemingly unaffected by his earlier alcoholic partaking.

"Are you stalking me?" the boy demanded, ceasing his struggles to instead glare at his mentor.

"Stalking you?" Sebastian repeated, taken aback by the accusation. "I should be asking you what you're doing in a bar! Under aged is only the first on a list!"

"Look, it's none of your business," Ciel answered angrily. "Now let me go so I can go back to work!"

"You work here?" he asked in shock. Realization dawned on the boy's face as he realized what he had given away.

"Shut up and unhand me!" he exclaimed instead, ignoring his slip-up. "I swear I'll call the cops and report you! I'll make sure you never work as a teacher again so you can't harass kids like me!" Sebastian roughly let go of the boy, not out of fear from his threat, but in an attempt to keep them on equal grounds with each other.

"You would call and report me for chancing upon you in a gay bar, but you wouldn't call to report yourself a starving child?" Sebastian demanded icily. "Not to mention the child labor laws at play here."

"Are you going to report me?" the boy demanded, standing his ground rather than taking off. "Send me to some child's home so I can be miserable and embarrassed?"

"Embarrassed?" Sebastian asked, dumbfounded. "Is that what this is about? Your pride keeping you from seeking out help?"

"Leave me alone!" Ciel yelled angrily, ignoring the questions. "Just leave me alone and mind your own business!" The boy turned to run, but Sebastian quickly snatched his wrist. Ciel twisted around to glare at him, not bothering to try and tug his arm loose.

"Whatever you're making tonight, let me pay you double," Sebastian offered, not pleading or bargaining. Just offering, free of any kind of threat.

"Double? And what do you want in return?" the boy asked warily.

"Just come home with me and allow me to make you one meal." The teacher returned the boy's even gaze, as their eyes silently struggled. After a long moment the boy shook his arm free and took a step back.

"Fine."

Without another word Sebastian swiftly sought out Grell, borrowed his car keys without much explanation, and drove himself and the boy back to his apartment.


	2. Chapter II

_Black Days_

_Chapter II_

The drive away from the bar was as quiet as the drive to, with Ciel smoldering in the corner furthest from Sebastian. The teacher glanced at the boy out of the corner of his eye.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked, looking back to the road.

"I don't care," came the surprisingly quiet voice. "Let's just get this over with." The boy sunk further into his seat, looking surprisingly defeated.

Sebastian's heart lurched unexpectedly. This poor child. How much suffering did one soul absorb in order to produce that heartbreaking look?

"Would a steak be good?" he ventured. "It would take a little time, but it will be very good once it's done."

"I don't care, damn it!" he burst, turning angrily on his teacher. "Can we just get this over with, with as little conversation as possible?" Sebastian met his gaze to see a deep fear in the child's eyes. Ciel broke away first, turning back to the dark window, and Sebastian reluctantly turned back to the road.

They had almost reached their destination, and the teacher couldn't help but wonder, _To what depths does your heart ache?_ He shook away from the dark possibilities, although he wasn't normally one to do so, smoothly pulling into the parking spot closest to his apartment.

He exited the car, and Ciel mimicked his actions. The student silently followed him up to his apartment, carefully masking his emotions as they entered the home and he took in the cozy, clean place.

"You can take a seat, watch some TV, if you'd like, while I throw this on the fire," Sebastian offered, observing Ciel as carefully as Ciel was observing his new surroundings. _So cute, _Sebastian thought,_ like a kitten when you first bring it home. _

Cautiously, Ciel sat down, not daring to turn on the TV. Sebastian let out a sigh and turned his attention back to preparing dinner.

"What's your favorite food?" Sebastian called out, to break the eerie silence that had fallen.

"I told you I don't care," Ciel answered, his voice surprisingly close.

Sebastian glanced over his should, surprised, to see the boy standing just outside of the kitchen area. The stubborn young man leaned on the granite-top opening between the living room and kitchen, watching his teacher with eyes filled with mistrust.

Quickly looking back at the meal in progress Sebastian corrected, "I asked your favorite food, not what you want to eat." He could feel Ciel glaring at him, but studiously ignored the boy, waiting instead for his answer.

"I like sweets, nothing in particular," came the toneless reply at last. Sebastian merely nodded, choosing not to comment, finding it better not to push deeper into any given subject with him.

"How's school?" he tried instead, hoping to keep things informal and shallow to build up some kind of trust.

"For crying out loud! What are you, my mother?" the boy demanded, sounding as if he had pounded his small fists against the countertop. "Besides, you're the teacher; you should know how I'm doing," he finished more quietly.

Sebastian nodded again. "You have a pretty short fuse, don't you?" he asked, grinning and continuing before Ciel could backlash. "And I do know how you're doing, which is why I'm offering you this meal."

"Are you planning on grilling me too?" the boy demanded, finally granted an opening.

Sebastian had to chuckle at that. "Clever, but no. I won't talk about something if it makes you uncomfortable." He turned and set down a meal on the table that would've made any chef proud. "Soup's on."

"Are you going to eat?" Ciel asked, eyeing him warily.

"I ate earlier," Sebastian lied easily, walking out of the kitchen area. "I'll be taking a shower if anything comes up." Ciel made no response; only the sound of a fork and knife scraping hungrily gave any sign he had heard.

Sebastian made his way to the bathroom, feeling bad about leaving the boy to eat by himself, but he knew that dining with the child would only put the unneeded strain of social politeness on the boy. Starved hellion he may be, but even he didn't seem devoid of all manners.

He peeled off the layers of his clothing, sniffing them with some interest. It all smelled like stale beer, smoke, and sweat. Sebastian made a face, thinking of his earlier escapades at the bar. How could he ever agree to something like that?

Ciel's image flashed in his mind, and he was immediately reminded of why he went out with Grell, of all people, in the first place. Was it worth it to drown the boy from his memories for a couple of days? Yes, of course it had been. For someone such as he to partake in the things he partook in this night, surely it was worth it.

Of course, he would never hear the end of it from Grell come work on Monday, but for now Sebastian was thankful. If not for his crazy peer taking him to a _gay bar_ of all places, then he never would have had this opportunity to help Ciel. So for tonight, he could smile happily to himself, feeling that maybe—just maybe—this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship with his young pupil. A pupil he worried more about than any other.

Sebastian twisted the knob on the shower, the hot water slowing to a trickle. A hot shower and fresh clothes could make all the difference to anyone's mood. He exited the bathroom smiling lightly, returning to the kitchen hopefully, if not cautiously, optimistic.

He was flooded with relief upon seeing Ciel still sat there, sucking on the bone from the steak.

"How was it?" he asked, causing his student to jump in surprise.

"Damn it!" he coughed, setting the bone down and covering his face with his napkin as he choked a bit. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

Sebastian smiled, feeling a bit stupid for doing so. Smiling, that is, not nearly giving Ciel a heart attack. "My apologies. Are you full?"

"Full enough," the boy answered, carefully avoiding eye contact.

"I suppose you have enough room for…" Sebastian trailed, walking past him and towards the fridge. "…dessert?"

The teacher presented his pupil with a gloriously rich looking chocolate cake, undoubtedly packed with fat and calories, but equally undoubtedly one of the best cakes ever witnessed by mankind. Sebastian smirked, knowing his student couldn't deny it as the boy's eyes widened and a tendril of drool practically dripped from his mouth.

"I-I suppose," he answered, trying to keep his refined attitude.

"It's all yours then," Sebastian answered, setting the plate down in front of him. "Although this time I'd like to talk to you a bit, if you don't mind."

The boy's eyes immediately narrowed in suspicion. "About what?"

"Just how you're doing," the teacher answered, fiddling with a toothpick leftover on the table. "Like how your parents are. I don't think I've met them yet.

"No you haven't," Ciel answered, staring hungrily at the cake.

Smiling gently, Sebastian nudged the cake forward. "Take it, no obligations."

"Promise?" Ciel asked a bit childishly.

"Promise," Sebastian answered, smiling encouragingly.

Needing no more invitation, Ciel dug into the sweet, promptly losing all focus on Sebastian. At least now the teacher knew his weakness, should he ever need to exploit it._ Hopefully it won't come to that, though, _he thought with a frown. He didn't want to hurt this boy, regardless of his reasons for doing so.

"So how are you parents?" Sebastian asked again a minute later, after Ciel had thoroughly devoured the cake and the teacher busied himself with cleaning up. The boy, still sitting at the table shrugged.

"They've been fine," Ciel answered, looking down at his feet. Sebastian's lips twitched downward, trying to ignore the signs his student's body was giving him. _I'm lying! _

"That's good," the teacher said instead. "Do you have any pets?"

"A dog," the boy said automatically.

"I loathe dogs."

"What?" the boy gasped in surprise, looking offended. His teacher chuckled good-naturedly.

"Not everyone will share your opinion on all things," he said in way of response. "What's your favorite subject in school?"

"Math, I guess," Ciel said unconvincingly. "At least it makes sense."

"Not much for literature, then?" the teacher inquired.

"No. Stories are stupid and childish," he answered determinedly. "Not to mention unrealistic."

"Not a fan of fairy tales, I suppose?" his teacher observed, scrubbing at a plate. "But isn't it nice how some of them end?"

"Like I said," the boy answered, leaning back in his chair. "Unrealistic."

"Don't you believe in happy endings?" Sebastian queried, turning to face his pupil and lean against the countertop.

"Not at all," Ciel answered, crossing his arms and scowling. "Life isn't about happy endings. It all ends in death."

His teacher kept his emotions carefully in-check, not revealing anything through his expression. "That's a rather pessimistic way of thinking, isn't it?"

"Perhaps, but it's more truthful than any story," he answered honestly.

"Hmm," Sebastian crossed his own arms, thinking for a moment. "It's getting late. Would you like to stay over for the night? I can call your parents and take you home in the morning."

Ciel looked uncomfortable, but Sebastian suspected it wasn't from the idea of staying in his home for the night. The boy met his teacher's eyes evenly, determination in his eyes. "Don't ask any questions and I'll consider it."

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, wondering at his odd response. "Do you have some sort of conditions?"

"Yes, but only if you ask no questions," the boy proclaimed. "Otherwise I leave on my own right now."

The frown returned to Sebastian's face, but he nodded in agreement. "Very well then. What are your conditions?"

"You don't call my parents, and in the morning, you let me walk home on my own." Ciel sat up straighter, fearlessly waiting for the elder man's response.

"Okay," he sighed in defeat after a long moment of consideration. He didn't like the idea of the boy walking home alone, but better he do it in the morning than at night. As for not calling his parents, well, Sebastian was a boy once too. That much he could at least try to understand. Ciel had likely lied to get out of his house in the first place, so having his teacher call might compromise that.

A while later he finished the dishes and went to find Ciel, who had left after the conversation died down, only to find the child sleeping peacefully on the couch. Sebastian smiled, his heart feeling light and his conscious clear for once. He fetched a blanket and pillow, tucking the boy in comfortably.

"Sleep well, Ciel," he whispered, kissing the boy's forehead. Switching off lights as he went, Sebastian headed to bed, feeling better than he had in a long, long time.


	3. Chapter III

_Black Days_

_Chapter III_

The next morning Sebastian awoke feeling more of the after effects than actual effects of alcohol. Head pounding, he made his way to the kitchen, hoping to fix his pounding head but keeping a smile on his face for Ciel's sake.

"Good morning—!" he cut himself short as he spied Ciel trying to change his clothes. Apparently the boy had brought a change of clothes with him that Sebastian hadn't noticed until last night, but that wasn't what brought him up short. Ciel scrambled to tug his shirt on, but it was too late.

Sebastian had already seen the scars on his delicate back. Ciel, finished dressing now, made his way to the door, hoping to avoid a conversation.

"Thanks for the dinner; I'll be fine on my own now," he said hurriedly, dashing out the door before Sebastian could stop him.

The room spun around the teacher as his heart pounded in his chest. Those scars. Long, deep, ugly, angry red scars. Ciel had known he couldn't even lie his way out of those, they were that bad. He knew his only option was to escape. How often did he rely on that answer though?

Sebastian collapsed on the couch, clutching his head in his hands. He figured the boy must've been fairly poor, or at the very least have some sort of eating disorder. He was practically skin and bones, but those scars added another possibility to the story that he didn't want to consider.

Was he being abused at home?

Sebastian knew the right thing would be to track the boy down, talk to him—whether Ciel liked it or not—and reach the bottom of this haunting issue. Just as he stood up to find the boy—he couldn't have gotten that far; he was only walking after all—Sebastian had another thought strike him.

Why hadn't Ciel sought help? Was there a reason for him to return to his home every day, despite the blatantly obvious abuse? If Sebastian interfered could that cause someone or something else unnecessary pain? Legs shaking, he collapsed back on the couch.

He couldn't ignore this, he knew that much, but what could he really do? Telling the principal would bring about the same results as his own confrontation, and getting more people involved in general could cause the boy unneeded strain and worry.

Ciel had to come to him, otherwise it would only cause friction, and nothing would be solved.

His head throbbed, reminding him of his secondary troubles. He made his way to his stockpile of emergency alcohol and poured himself a glass of champagne, hoping to keep the headache down while he made breakfast. His stomach growled angrily, reminding him of the food he didn't have last night, which was very likely the biggest source of his problems now.

One jumbo breakfast later, Sebastian thought about the car parked outside—the car he didn't own. He would have to return it to Grell, and sooner would probably be better. Heaving a sigh he dialed his peer on the cell phone he had tucked into his pocket.

"G'mornin'," came the quiet voice. If not for knowing what he had been up to last night, Sebastian might have thought he dialed the wrong number. Typically loud Grell had only taken a softer tone due to the same problem Sebastian had earlier.

"Head hurt, Grell?" he asked casually, flicking some lent off his sleeve.

"Ah, Sabby!" Grell cried happily, which was followed by a sharp hiss of pain. "Loud's not working for me this morning," he whispered after a moment.

"I'm sure breakfast and a car would fix that right up," Sebastian observed, wondering over to his window to see the car in question setting silently on the blacktop.

"Car?" Grell asked, sounding confused for a moment before, "Oh! That's right! You bastard! You stole my car!"

"You're just now remembering this, though?" Sebastian asked condescendingly, his eyebrow twitching in annoyance. How could the man be so loud so early in the morning? "Did you make it home safely?"

"No thanks to you!" Grell snapped. "You owe me for that one; I had to steal a ride from a friend of mine!"

Rolling his eyes Sebastian knew he couldn't deny him this time. "Fine. How about I bring the car over and fix you breakfast. Then we can call it even."

There was a pause on the other end of the line as Grell considered this. "Make it my car, breakfast, and you tell me what you rushed out of the club for last night," he requested, no doubt grinning.

"I hardly think—," Sebastian started to argue, but Grell cut him off.

"Do this and we'll call everything even," he said quickly. "Because you did ditch me after I was kind enough to take you out with me in the first place."

Clenching his teeth in annoyance, Sebastian asked, "Do you really think you did me a favor?"

"Last night, yes," Grell answered, surprisingly serious. "I've forgotten most of what happened, but I won't be forgetting that look on your face without some kind of trade off."

This brought Sebastian up short. Had he looked that bad last night? "Fine. I'll be over in a few minutes," he said at last, admitting defeat. "But you damn well better have clothes on this time!" Snapping the phone shut, Sebastian snagged his coat, making his way to the car and Grell's house.

Grell actually lived in a house, unlike his friend. For some odd reason that went beyond even Sebastian's reasoning, Grell was rather professional with his finances. Not that Sebastian made unwise or unsound financial choices, but Grell's pockets seemed endless. Sebastian had once casually joked that he must be doing something on the side, but the odd look his peer had given him made him decide to never visit that particular topic.

Sebastian pulled onto the driveway and into the open garage, where Grell stood, waiting patiently. Smoothly exiting the car, Sebastian was thrown off-balance a moment later when Grell tackled him at a dead run, gripping him in a death-hug.

"Get off me!" Sebastian snapped, feeling his ears go red as neighbors and people walking their dogs stopped and stared. One girl ran into a pole she was so distracted with watching them.

"Loosen up Sabby! It's not healthy, all that tension," the red-head chided. "Now make me breakfast!"

Shaking Grell off at last Sebastian made his way to the man's kitchen and started scrounging around for food. "Your refrigerator is a disgrace," he muttered, sorting through the various take-out leftovers. A few minutes later he had finally organized all the ingredients he would need and started cooking, with Grell watching carefully.

"If I start paying you, will you come make me breakfast every morning?" Grell asked dreamily.

"Hell no," Sebastian replied in a monotone.

"Aww," Grell whined, no doubt making a ridiculous face. A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again. "So why was that kid from your class at the bar last night?"

Sebastian nearly dropped the eggs he had been carefully juggling. "What kid?" he asked nervously, not realizing Grell had seen the boy.

"Oh, you know," Grell said, his voice oddly tense. "Really dark, almost blue hair. Really big, pretty eyes."

"Grell it's really not appropriate to describe a student as pretty," Sebastian answered stiffly, avoiding the actual question.

"Oh I know," he answered. "But we're in my house and we both know that neither of us would ever do anything wrong to any of those kids. We love _and _respect them."

"Which is more than they can say about anyone else," Sebastian finished darkly. A moment of silence passed again between the two friends, as their thoughts took over. Grell was a bit crazy, true, but at least he shared Sebastian's ideals in regards to the children, and Sebastian had found a dear companion in that aspect. Even if the man was a bit off his kilter.

"So did you take the cute boy home?" Grell asked after a time. Sebastian felt his heart jump in reaction to his sudden question.

"What cute boy?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"You know, Mr. Blue Hair," Grell prodded.

"It wasn't like that," Sebastian answered in annoyance.

"Like what Sabby?" Grell asked, tone careful. "All I asked was if you took him home."

Sebastian mentally slapped himself. He was jumping to conclusions just because it was Grell. "I took him back to my apartment and fed him," he answered at last. "He stayed over because he wanted to walk home, but I didn't want him walking around in the dark."

"That's all?" Grell asked.

"That's all."

"Well, that's good," he answered nonchalantly.

Sebastian cleaned up the cooking supplies, bringing Grell his complete meal. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, frowning.

"Nothing, I just think it's good to see the boy you're so worried about getting some help," Grell answered, picking up a fork and staring hungrily at the plate. "Especially from the guy who's so worried about him."

"I'm no more worried about him than I am the other students," Sebastian chided, returning to the sink to finish cleaning up as Grell inhaled his breakfast.

"I don't know about that," his peer mumbled through a mouthful of eggs. Sebastian turned to glare at him, and he held up his hands defensively.

"He's my student," Sebastian reiterated firmly.

"He likes you a lot too," Grell said, ignoring him.

"What?" Sebastian gaped at his friend, a look of surprise replacing his glare.

"I've talked to him, you know," his peer explained. "He's come to me for help with literature, and I always ask him why he doesn't talk to you. He says he doesn't know how to talk comfortably with you." Grell tapped his fingers together, a ponderous look on his face. "Hmm. I wonder why?"

"I don't know what you're getting at, Sutcliffe," Sebastian replied icily. "I'm very easy to talk to. It must just be the boy."

"I think he looks up to you, and that's why it's so hard for him to talk to you," Grell continues, unfazed by his companion's glare. "He's afraid if he starts talking, then he won't stop talking."

That floored Sebastian. He hadn't thought of it that way, and the fact that Grell _had _thought of it angered him indescribably. He wordlessly fetched his coat and made his way to the door, the urge to escape overcoming him.

"Where are you going Michaelis?" Grell asked, his voice quiet, tone deadly.

"For a walk," Sebastian answered. "I'll see you Monday." With that he exited the house, slamming the door soundly behind him. Grell leaned back in his chair, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"Don't over-think so much, Sabby," he whispered. With a sigh and a scrape of the chair he went about his daily chores, figuring he would talk to Sebastian Monday like he said. Hopefully he didn't get himself into too much trouble before then.


	4. Chapter IV

**A/N: **_Some coarse language in this chapter._

* * *

><p><em>Black Days<em>

_Chapter IV_

What Sebastian did over the weekend no one knew. The last person to talk to him, let alone see him, was Grell. It wasn't until Monday morning when he finally re-appeared, looking less than fantastic, to say the least.

"What the hell happened to you?" Grell asked, wide-eyed. The normally unruffled teacher stumbled into the faculty lounge, eyes blood-shot, with dark bags highlighting them. His clothes were creased badly as if he had slept in them.

"Fuck off," he muttered, bee lining for the coffee pot.

"Geez, hope you don't talk to your students like that," Grell growled in response, heading for the exit. "I don't know what happened, but you had better snap out of it. Don't want to scare little Ciel, do you?" This brought Sebastian up short.

Ciel.

He had forgotten about him up until this point.

"Damn it," he muttered, sitting down with coffee in hand. He turned back to apologize to Grell, but his peer had already left the room.

_Pull yourself together,_ he scolded himself.

The first bell of the day clanged loudly, shattering his throbbing head and with a groan he left the room, knowing full well the noise would be tenfold worse outside. He waded through the sea of students towards his classroom, coffee still in hand.

The Monday haze kept everyone in check, but he knew it would ware away by lunch. He stepped into the safety of his relatively empty classroom and started talking roll, noticing keenly that Ciel hadn't arrived yet.

Typically the boy arrived fairly early on, but Sebastian knew he couldn't worry needlessly about it. Nothing wrong with a student not showing up early for class, most don't, after all. The minutes ticked away as slowly as Sebastian sipped on his cooling coffee, carefully watching as students filed in. He checked them off as they entered, but with just two minutes until class started, he had to face the possibility that something was wrong.

"Does anyone know where Ciel Phantomhive is?" he asked the class, immediately gaining everyone's attention. A few kids shook their head in the negative; some just looked away in disinterest. One child in the back, though, had a different reaction.

"Do you know where he is?" Sebastian asked, looking directly at the nervous student, resting a hand upon his desk and leaning closer. "If you would be so kind as to tell me what you know." The boy swallowed nervously, and Sebastian smiled at him, showing it was all okay, even if he didn't know anything. Which it wasn't.

"I-I think I saw something, but I don't know," the boy stuttered, eyes drifting towards something behind Sebastian. The teacher discretely glanced over his shoulder to see another boy glaring in his direction, a known trouble maker.

"I promise you won't be hurt if you tell me," Sebastian whispered sincerely. The boy looked torn for a moment more before finally a streak of conviction lit up his eyes.

"Some of the older boys had him down by the blind spot," he confessed, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. Sebastian nodded, assigned silent reading to the class, and exited the room. It was truly an act of bravery in this school to rat someone out. He had to keep his promise that no harm would come to the boy.

The blind spot was not the news Sebastian had wanted to hear, though. It was an area on the uppermost level of the school, between classrooms and offices that created something akin to a dark corridor, which of course, was in a dead blind spot. Teachers couldn't see it from their classrooms or from down the hallway. The only way to really see inside it was to be right on top of it, which unfortunately meant it was a prime spot for bullying.

Why the spot existed Sebastian did not know, and what Ciel could have been doing up there in the first place baffled him even more. As far as he knew the boy had no reason to cross that dangerous territory. He shook the thoughts from his mind as he rounded the corner and rapidly approached the infamous spot.

At first, peering into the darkness, he couldn't make anything out. He took a few steps into the odd part of the building and slowly but surely he could make out the form of a child in the deepest darkness. He hurried over and turned the boy over to find none other than Ciel Phantomhive.

"What happened, Ciel?" he whispered, checking the boy's vitals.

"They jumped me," the boy spat with surprising vigor. Sebastian hadn't even realized he was conscious.

"I'm taking you to the nurse, and you can explain on the way," his teacher told him, scooping up the boy like it was nothing and making his way back downstairs to the nurse's office. "Why did they jump you?"

"That's none of your business," Ciel growled defiantly. "Anyways, there's nothing you can do about it, so why don't you just keep your nose out of it?"

"Because you're my student, and I am unlike other teachers," Sebastian explained, not missing a beat. "I actually care about my students."

"You seem to be a lot more concerned with me," his pupil remarked, watching his teacher's face carefully.

"That's just your imagination," Sebastian answered, easily brushing his concern away. "Now why were you up there in the first place?"

"Because I had to pick something up," the boy answered, looking away glumly. He didn't seem to be lying, but on the same token he wouldn't be so open so easily.

"What were you picking up?" Sebastian asked carefully.

"Do the words 'none of your damn business' mean anything to you?" the boy growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Do the words 'get over yourself' mean anything to _you_?" Sebastian countered, smiling lightly. Ciel glared up at him.

"You're not funny."

"And you're not bleeding all over me without giving me some answers," Sebastian remarked quickly. "Any other smart comments?"

"Have you told anyone about the scars?" This threw Sebastian off-balance. The topic seemed so random, but in light of earlier events maybe the boy wasn't quite so far off.

"No, of course not," he answered easily. "Are those boys the ones who've been giving them to you?" Ciel looked away from his mentor's face once more, eyes wet with angry shame.

"No, of course not," he retorted, but it sounded hallow even to his own ears. "I'm not that much of a sissy-boy."

"I don't believe I called you a sissy-boy."

"You don't have to, everyone else already does," Ciel snapped angrily. "It was nice before you started treating me special; now even more people tease me because of you!" Sebastian was taken aback by this, but he didn't have time to comment as he realized they had arrived at the nurse's office.

He walked in and greeted the resident nurse quietly, laying out Ciel on the bed before returning to whisper instructions to the practitioner. Turning to leave, Sebastian glanced back over at the boy's now-limp form, silently wishing him a speedy recovery.

"Mr. Michaelis?" the nurse asked, stopping him in his tracks.

"Yes?"

"Would you like a change of clothes?" she asked, barely hiding her smirk. "I think if you showed up like that in your classroom the kids might start a rumor about you being a demon."

He blinked once on her, an odd chill running down his spine

"Right, of course," he answered after a long moment. "A fresh shirt would help, wouldn't it?"

After that he returned to his classroom, the day passing in a blur. After his first class had ended he talked to the boy who had told him about Ciel. The boy insisted everything would be fine, no need to worry and all that, but Sebastian knew better. He knew how this school functioned.

Never in his career had he seen a school so openly ruled by a hierarchy of strength.

Bullies even pushed some of the weaker teachers around, particularly female teachers. The school's potentially creative children feared being singled out by their teachers, as it would only give the bullies one more reason to attack them.

Of course, the school tried to crack down, day after day, but the neighborhood itself was corrupt, so of course it would produce a corrupted school. Sebastian had chosen this place—of all the places he could have gone—for the very reason most teachers avoided it. As a young teacher he had one thought in mind: he wanted to change the lives of even the most troubled students.

Grell Sutcliffe, a friend of his from college, shared a similar viewpoint and found this school before Sebastian had even heard of it. After explaining the situation, though, the fledgling teacher knew what they had to do. The school happily accepted them both.

Over the years Sebastian had been trapped by the very thing he sought to change. Bullies let him be due to his size alone, but over time Sebastian had grown almost complacent. Instead of vigorously searching for new ways to reach troubled students, he started searching for the best ways to avoid them.

Something about Ciel, his reserved nature in class, his fiery temperament outside of class, caused Sebastian to gravitate towards his original goals again. Although, he was quickly recalling why he had abandoned them in the first place. The boy drew him in constantly though. Sebastian found he couldn't abandon someone he felt so…

Attached to? There was certainly a connection between them, of that there was no doubt. The reason why Sebastian felt so drawn to the boy, though, was a mystery to him. It could be, perhaps, that Ciel reminded him of himself.

Perhaps not in the way he looked or even the way he walked or talked, but something about his unexpected temperament reminded Sebastian of his younger self. The way the boy could jump between a calm maturity and a fiery stubbornness. The way he could stand up so fearlessly to his teacher and still find himself defenseless against the bullies roaming the school.

It reminded Sebastian that no one was invincible or totally immune from any shit the world chose to throw at them.

Bitterly, with this thought in mind, he wandered back to the nurse's office, planning on checking up on Ciel. Then he would have to track down Grell and apologize to him, even knowing it would bruise a sizable portion of his ego.

When he entered the nurse's office, though, an empty room met his eyes. He caught the attention of the nurse and asked where the boy had gone off to.

"Oh, Phantomhive? His dad came and picked him up. Real nice guy," she answered, shuffling through some papers.

"Oh, I see," Sebastian answered, feeling oddly disappointed. He had wanted to check on the boy before he left. Shrugging, he bid farewell to the nurse and made his way to Grell's office, hoping the crazed red-head wouldn't be surprised.

"Sabby!" he called out, seeing his favorite peer walking up to his desk. No such luck for Sebastian, of course, for him to be absent. "What brings this visit? Are you as swamped with paperwork as I am? Oh, maybe you want to work on it together, just like back in college!"

Sebastian held up a hand, halting Grell's rant. "I just came to apologize."

"Apologize?" his friend asked dumbfounded.

"Yes, for being," Sebastian paused, considering how to best phrase the idea, "so uncouth this morning."

"Oh that!" Grell exclaimed in recognition. "I was just surprised to hear you say fuck!"

"Don't toss around words like that so lightly," Sebastian rebuked, but internally he was grateful for Grell's water-off-a-duck's-back disposition. Grell looked up at him, solemn for a moment before bursting into laughter.

"You never get boring do you, Sabby?" he howled.

"Apparently not," Sebastian answered, before a thought occurred to him. "Say, do you want to go out for some drinks tonight?"

This brought Grell up short.

"Tonight? It's Monday, you know?" he asked cautiously.

Sebastian, feeling a bit nervous, nodded. "Oh right, of course." An awkward silence dropped over the room, and just as Grell was about to question him, Sebastian muttered a hasty good-bye and retreated out of the office. He checked his watch as he made his way downstairs.

He supposed he would stay in tonight—all the drinking lately couldn't be healthy—but he had to have something to occupy his time. He nearly stopped in the middle of the crosswalk when an idea occurred to him. Even though he hadn't been able to bid Ciel farewell today, what if he did the boy a small favor?

He could make him lunch and bring it in. If the boy so chose he could eat it in the cafeteria as if his own mother had prepared it. Sebastian wouldn't take no for an answer either. He couldn't force the boy to eat, of course, but he could bargain with him.

A bit below the belt, but Sebastian came up with a sure-fire ultimatum during his short walk back to his apartment. The teacher smirked, entering the kitchen. Tomorrow ought to be fun.

The next day Sebastian was relieved to see Ciel sitting in his usual seat, bright and early. He stopped the boy before he could escape into the flood of children headed to the cafeteria, which he, of course, didn't react kindly to. As soon as the rest of the kids cleared out the first words out of his mouth were:

"You bastard."

"Now, now," Sebastian chided, smirking devilishly. "Is that how you treat someone who made you lunch?"

"Lunch?" Ciel asked in a deadpan. "Why did you make me lunch, especially since you _know_ I won't eat it."

"Why are you so opposed to free food?" Sebastian sighed. "You'll never get by in college with this attitude."

"Whatever," Ciel grunted. "Now what makes you so sure I'll eat your rubbish?"

"Am I so sure?" Sebastian pondered, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"Just spit it out!" Closing his eyes and nodding once Sebastian allowed his smirk to drift away.

"Eat it or I start talking about the scars." He opened his eyes in a cool and even gaze, which Ciel matched, as always.

"Fine."

Sebastian quirked an eyebrow. "Just like that?"

"Even though I think you're a damn bastard for _blackmailing_ me," Ciel explained, "I would rather no one else hear about what you saw. And free food isn't totally awful."

Sebastian could practically hear the boy swallowing his pride.

"I'm just trying to help," he whispered softly.

"Maybe you should try to help a little less," Ciel whispered back, snatching the brown paper bag and exiting the classroom. Sebastian leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes again.

_And just how do you expect me to do that, Ciel? _


	5. Chapter V

**A/N:** _Sorry for the update delay, my computer hit a hiccup. A big chapter to make it up to you though._

* * *

><p><em>Black Days<em>

_Chapter V_

Sebastian, without fail, from that day onwards, brought a fresh lunch to Ciel. As for the boy, he accepted the fact that he wouldn't escape these lunches, and free food was just as good as purchased food, so for now he would comply.

Sebastian could tell he hated every lunch he took, though. Not that it tasted bad. Despite being a bachelor, Sebastian prided himself on rather excellent culinary abilities. It was just the look in Ciel's eyes every time he took a lunch, which was _every day_.

The look wasn't one of hate, not towards Sebastian, although there certainly had to be some of that deep down. It wasn't a look of disgust, because the food was actually decent. Guilt wasn't the word of it; certainly the boy didn't feel bad taking from his "bastard teacher." No, there was something else in his eyes every time he picked up his lunch, and Sebastian was determined to find out what it was.

So it was one, a couple of weeks after he started bringing in Ciel's lunch, he added another stipulation to his "blackmail."

"Ciel," Sebastian greeted quietly, observing the boy approaching his desk after the rest of the students had rushed to lunch.

"I thought you had given up on trying to strike up a conversation with me," Ciel responded bleakly. "Where's my lunch?"

"Ah about that," Sebastian said, resisting the urge to smirk. "I was wondering if you would perhaps spend a lunch with me?"

"What am I in trouble for?" Ciel asked warily.

"Trouble?" Sebastian chuckled. "You're not in trouble Ciel, I just… want to have lunch with you."

"Well I don't remember that being a part of our little arrangement," Ciel snapped vehemently.

"It's not," Sebastian agreed. "This is totally up to you, although I would strongly suggest eating lunch with me." Ciel narrowed his eyes at the teacher.

"And by strongly suggest you mean you're using your damn blackmail again," he deadpanned. Sebastian let out a sigh and stood up, making his way to the little mini-fridge in his classroom.

"I hate using that as an answer, but yes," he conceded, fetching their lunches. "Until you come to me of your own free will."

"My own free will"? Ciel barked a humorless laugh. "Right. And I'm a bloody earl of England." Sebastian made no remark, merely setting the boy's lunch down on a desk before sitting across from it.

"I just want a chance to talk to you," Sebastian said, gesturing towards the boy's untouched lunch. "Come, take a seat." Ciel stood firmly for a moment, shifting through his options, but in the end he knew he would have to comply. One day Sebastian would overstep his boundaries, but that day hadn't arrived yet.

"What do you want to talk about so badly?" Ciel asked, taking his seat. Sebastian kept a neutral expression in place, but internally he breathed a sigh of relief. He had quickly learned that telling Ciel he wanted to help him only gave a negative reaction. Talking would help immensely and might even lead to the help he needed, without actually realizing Sebastian was helping at all.

"I would love to talk about your scars, if that's an option," Sebastian ventured, bracing himself for a sharp outburst.

"No," Ciel answered simply. "Next question."

"Have you been enjoying the lunches?" Sebastian asked, gesturing towards the sandwich in hand.

"They're okay," Ciel replied, shrugging.

"Did those boys do any serious damage to you?" Sebastian asked, recalling the state he had found the boy in a few weeks ago. Ciel's eyes darkened in pain at the memory.

"No, of course not."

Sebastian didn't push the topic any further, feeling any more questions about it would lead to Ciel shutting up again. Luckily he was getting better at reading the boy so little pitfalls were being more carefully avoided than they had been originally.

"If we can't talk about your family," Sebastian started, receiving an angry glare from Ciel. "How about your friends?"

"What friends?" Ciel growled, as if he had just found out someone was talking badly about him.

"I haven't heard from any," Sebastian quickly clarified. "I was just wondering if there were any kids you got along with."

"Not really," he admitted, picking at his sandwich. "Don't laugh at this, but I don't really connect with the other children."

"It's perfectly fine, I understand," Sebastian granted. "It actually reminds me of myself when I was your age. I never fit in very well."

"That's surprising," Ciel muttered, probably not meaning to be heard.

"Why's that?"

Blushing the boy answered, "Just some rumors."

"What rumors?" Sebastian asked, bemused.

"I just overheard some stupid girls talking," he answered haltingly.

"And what did those stupid girls say?" The boy's face truly lit up then. Sebastian could no longer resist the smirk he had been holding back.

"They were just talking about how…" he paused again, almost looking like answering the question caused him pain.

"Oh come, tough little Phantomhive," Sebastian teased. "Just spit it out."

"Some of the girls were talking about how 'hot' you are," he finally admitted, steam practically venting from his ears. He quickly took a strict interest in his half finished lunch.

"Oh well, that is surprising," Sebastian responded with a chuckle. "I didn't really have that sort of attention when I was younger, too bad."

Ciel made no comment, instead focusing on gnawing on the apple he had found in the brown paper sack.

"So what do you think?" Sebastian asked after a moment.

"About what?" Ciel asked, confused, attention finally drawn away from the apple.

"Do you agree with those girls?" he asked, grinning madly, leaning in closer towards the boy, who swallowed harshly in response.

"I-I," he stuttered. "How am I supposed to know?"

"It was just a question," Sebastian said, smiling and leaning back again. "I've heard rumors too, you know." This caught Ciel off-guard.

"You have? About what?"

"About you, of course," the teacher answered, smirking. "I overheard some of the girls talking about how 'irresistibly cute' that Phantomhive boy is." Ciel blinked in surprise at that, before an evil smirk found its way to his face.

"And what do you think about that?" he asked, thinking he had his teacher cornered now.

"Oh I think they're quite right."

Ciel nearly choked on his apple.

"Sabby are you killing someone in here?" Grell asked, suddenly poking his head into the classroom and causing both student and teacher to start at his unexpected arrival.

"Of course not," Sebastian scolded. "Just the boy gagging on his own apple."

"Oh that sounds so dirty, Sabby," Grell laughed manically. Ciel gave him an odd look, before turning to Sebastian.

"Is he… okay?" the boy whispered. Sebastian felt an honest smile cross his features.

"Not in the slightest."

* * *

><p>After that day, Ciel started to open up, little by little.<p>

Of course he refused to talk about certain subjects, including but not limited to his scars. Grell occasionally waltzed in to share lunch with them, offering a buffet of frequently inappropriate questions. Some of which went right over young Ciel's head, others though caused both student and teacher to blush.

Yet, at the end of the day neither would change their sometimes odd lunch times.

For Sebastian it was a matter of growing closer to the boy in an attempt to change his life—if only just his life. If he could change a single life it would make his existence somewhat justifiable.

For Ciel it was having something he had thought lost to him. Although he would never, _ever_ admit it, Sebastian was becoming an invaluable friend.

The more they talked, the more natural it felt. Ciel was always guarded, but a certain trust started to sew the two together. Sebastian learned what made Ciel tick, and Ciel learned that he was—in some way—helping Sebastian. The question actually cropped up one day.

They were both laughing more than either thought was dignified at one of Grell's jokes, and as the laughter died down a thought occurred to Ciel.

"Mr. Michaelis?" he asked, his gaze returning to his teacher.

"What is it?"

"I want to know honestly why you're always making lunches for me," he stated, a familiar determined look in his eyes. "Why not make a buffet for the entire class?"

"Well, I…" Sebastian hesitated, uncertain of how to respond.

"Oh get over yourself, Sabby," Grell whined, catching Ciel's attention. "He loves you kid."

"Grell," Sebastian warned through clenched teeth.

"Like a son," Grell finished. "He loves you like a son; he's just afraid to admit it." Sebastian scoffed at that, leaning back in his chair and devouring the rest of his sandwich. Ciel, though, had a certain, _rare_ look in his eyes.

"You think of me like a son?" he asked.

"Of course," Sebastian answered, wiping his mouth off and gazing evenly at the child.

"I…" Ciel hesitated, uncertain of what he wanted to say exactly.

"Hey, are you going to finish that?" Grell asked loudly, interrupting the moment.

"I swear sometimes you act more like a child than my students," Sebastian commented with a roll of his eyes. Ciel, meanwhile, could only steal looks out of the corner of his eye, embarrassed by the slight affection.

Like a son, huh?

And so the days continued, spring blurring away into summer. The cold melted away by the heat of passion. Before either of them had realized it, they found the end of school only hours away, and they shared their last lunch together.

"Hard to believe so much time has passed," Sebastian mused, handing Ciel the brown paper bag that held a special surprise in honor of the day.

"And to think you're _still _blackmailing me," Ciel grumbled out of reflex more than annoyance, snatching the bag away. "Bastard teacher."

"Bastard teacher, indeed," Sebastian agreed, sitting down to devour his own lunch. "What will you be doing over the summer?"

"I don't know," the boy answered honestly. "Wait for school to start again."

"I didn't think you would miss my lunches that much," Sebastian commented, smirking.

"As if," the boy muttered, digging around in the bag a moment before finding his present. He pulled out the glorious double-chocolate chip brownie cake, just the right size for one person. He quickly unwrapped it and practically inhaled it.

"Well at least your appetite has improved," Sebastian remarked. "More than I can say for your grades."

"Wh-what?" Ciel demanded, mouth full of cake.

"I'm kidding."

"Oh."

A serene kind of silence passed between the two; a silence that would not have been possibly just a few months prior.

"What are you going to do over the summer?" Ciel asked, brushing the brown crumbs from his fingertips.

"Probably very little," the teacher mused. "No doubt Grell will drag me into something or another."

"You're pretty good friends with Mr. Sutcliffe," Ciel commented, but something in his tone caused Sebastian to look up to find Ciel gazing at him with curiosity.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, taking on a serious tone.

"Do you like him?" the boy asked, almost innocently but Sebastian could feel the weight of the words.

"He's a good friend," Sebastian answered. "A total nutcase but we take care of each other in the oddest way."

"Do you live with him?" Ciel asked, determination flashing in his eyes. The abruptness of the question caught Sebastian slightly off-guard.

"He's my best friend, not my boyfriend," he laughed, treating the question as pure rubbish.

"He doesn't have to be your boyfriend to live with you," Ciel remarked craftily. "He could just be a roommate."

"I suppose that's true," Sebastian conceded tersely.

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you," Ciel continued. "About that."

"About what? Grell?"

"About you."

"Oh." Sebastian nodded, leaning back in his chair, not realizing that he had leaned forward with the intensity of the questioning. "What's that?"

"Mr. Michaelis…" Ciel paused. "Sebastian, are you g—?"

"Teacher!" a student cried, stumbling into the room. "Two kids are fighting and Mr. Sutcliffe got into the middle of it!" Without any further prompting Sebastian jumped from his seat and raced outside, leaving Ciel to finish his lunch with his own thoughts as company.

The fight outside had apparently turned violent quickly. The girl said the two boys had only exchanged a few words before the smaller one swung at the bigger one. Before anyone knew what was happening a fight had broken out, with some of their friends jumping in and out, nearly causing a brawl.

And Grell has jumped in to separate the students.

Sebastian rounded the corner to find the two boys still slugging it out, Grell pushing them apart and using himself as a block between the two. That's when Sebastian knew it was going to get bad. He raced forward to help stop the fight, but the throng of students that had circled up around the combatants swallowed precious seconds.

He broke through the crowd just in time to see the bigger boy, nearly as tall and much more muscled than Sebastian, strike Grell in the head. The red-head collapsed in a heap, the boys threatening to trample him as they danced around each other.

Sebastian went for the larger one, pushing him back and then pushing the other back, then holding out his arms to prevent them from going at each other again.

"You will cease this now," he warned with a low growl.

The students who had formed a circle around the fight quickly fled the scene, fear of summer school should they be caught overtaking them. The two fighters paused, sense returning to their eyes. The smaller one turned to run, but Sebastian grabbed him and then the other one by the collar of their shirts.

"Hey let me go," the bigger one barked. Sebastian shook him firmly.

"It would be wise of you not to speak," he responded, dragging the kids to the side of the hall and throwing them down there. Another teacher had finally arrived to see what the commotion was. Upon seeing a teacher down and another with two students on lockdown, he hurried off to alert the proper authorities.

A few minutes later the principal had a firm grip on the two delinquents, hauling them off with dark promises of summer school and suspension next year. The nurse hovered over Grell, a worried look on her face. She turned to Sebastian.

"Where was he hit?" she asked in a business-like tone.

"His head, I believe," Sebastian said, his own voice sounding funny to him.

"Oh no…" she muttered. "Go call an ambulance." Sebastian felt like he wouldn't be able to move at her chilling orders, but his feet carried him back to his classroom anyways. He burst into the room and made a beeline for the phone, slamming his fingers against the buttons and holding a brief conversation with the medic on the other end.

"Sebastian what's going on?" Ciel asked. Sebastian had nearly forgotten about leaving him here.

"Not now, have a good rest of the day," he answered hastily, rushing back out of the room. Ciel leaned back in his seat, feeling his lips twitch downwards. He clutched his chest.

_What is this feeling?_

A few minutes later the prompt ambulance arrived, and they loaded Grell up with Sebastian tagging along. Grell had no relatives that he knew of, certainly there were none on record at the school, plus he had witnessed the fight so he would be able to provide the most information.

Not to mention he was worried about losing his only friend.

"What's wrong with him?" Sebastian asked worriedly. The nurse hooking up IVs in the back of the ambulance shrugged.

"Could be a lot of things, depending on what exactly took the hit," she said. "You'll have to wait and find out, I'm sorry."

Sebastian didn't go back to finish the last day of school, some of the other teachers had volunteered to take over both his and Grell's classes. Ciel hesitated outside of the school, looking back at the buses and ignoring the bustle of students around him. He wanted to say good-bye to Sebastian, but he knew that the odd teacher wouldn't be back any time soon.

With a defeated sigh he turned and walked away, something very fragile inside his heart breaking with every step he took.

Meanwhile, at the hospital, Sebastian awaited the results of the testing done on Grell. A nurse had come out earlier asking what his relationship was, what had happened, all of the usual things nurses asked about. He answered to the best of his ability and the wait had nearly killed him, but finally a doctor came out to talk to him.

"He suffered some hemorrhaging and the hit landed on a particularly bad spot," the doctor explained quietly.

"Is he okay otherwise?" Sebastian asked worriedly. He was no doctor, but he wasn't totally ignorant. The diagnosis didn't sound promising.

"He's in a lot of pain," the doctor said in a strained voice. "And we can't stop the bleeding vessels."

"Will the bleeding stop itself? Will it clot?" Sebastian asked, growing frustrated.

"All we can do right now," the doctor explained, "is wait."

"What are his chances?" Sebastian demanded, shaking a bit.

"Low," the doctor answered bluntly. "He'll be lucky to make it through the night. Do you want to talk to him before you leave?" Blood rushed to Sebastian's head and he felt dizzy and off-balance suddenly. How was this happening? Everything seemed perfectly normal just a few hours ago.

"Sir?" a voice asked—the doctor, but Sebastian ignored him, pushing away his steadying hands. He turned and started to stumble towards the doorways, ignoring the worried calls behind him. How had this happened? Why did Grell jump into the fight like that?

Somehow, with a little luck and maybe a small miracle, Sebastian made it back to his apartment. He had left some things at the school, but he couldn't go back there. He didn't think he could stand to walk over the site where the fight had taken place earlier that afternoon.

He stomped up the stairs to his apartment, swinging the door open and slamming it shut, and collapsed on top of his bed. A lesser man might have sobbed, might have let a few tears escape, but that wasn't in Sebastian's style. Besides, Grell might be okay in the morning. No need to mourn that which wasn't lost.

Sebastian let out a slow sigh.

He wasn't dead yet, so there was no need to worry. Sebastian wasn't so deluded to pray it was all a bad nightmare; sometimes things like this happened, but this was Grell, after all, he would be okay in the morning. No doubt he would be back to his old, constantly joking self in no time.

By the end of the summer, after attempting to drag Sebastian on a few crazy adventures, the red-head would finally convince him to go on vacation with him. The whole thing would be a crazy mess, of course, but they would get a good laugh out of it. Then, in the fall, they would return to the school, striving to make a difference once again.

A soft smile on his lips, thinking of the easy future ahead, Sebastian fell into a dreamless sleep.

It was late when a noise broke through his foggy subconscious, so it took a moment to figure out what the sound was. Slowly he recognized it as the sound of a phone ringing. He reached over to the phone, perched on the nightstand beside his bed. Who could be calling so late?

"Hello?" he asked, sleep making his voice thick.

"Hello, Mr. Michaelis?" a vaguely familiar male voice asked.

"Yes, this is he," Sebastian answered, blinking a couple of times, brain slowly starting to function.

"I'm so sorry," the man said—and then Sebastian recognized the voice. It was the doctor. "Grell Sutcliffe passed away at 3:06 this morning."

A white noise filled Sebastian's ears, drowning out whatever else the doctor said. The cogs in his brain slowly started to turn, not making sense of the words the doctor had spoken at first. All he could think of was a crazy vacation Grell had taken him on a few years back.

"I'm sorry, what?" Sebastian asked stupidly. As if hearing it again would change its meaning.

"Grell passed away this morning; we need to know what you want to do about funeral arrangements," the doctor re-stated, explaining everything slowly and carefully. "Do you understand Mr. Michaelis?"

Sebastian slowly lowered the phone from his ear and set it on the nightstand without hanging up, as if touching it burned him and moving it was excruciating work.

"Mr. Michaelis?" a small voice asked from the phone. "Sebastian are you there? Can you hear me?"

Sebastian stood up, leg's shaking badly, partially from his earlier state of sleep. He stumbled backwards and his back slammed into the wall. He tried to swallow, only to find his throat dry as a bone. His hands trembled, heart beating slower than seemed healthy. Shouldn't it be hammering in his chest?

His lips parted slowly as a silent scream tore from his strained voice.


	6. Chapter VI

**A/N:**_ I just wanted to say thanks for the great response last chapter; I hope this story continues to entertain you. _

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><p><em>Black Days<em>

_Chapter VI_

Sebastian Michaelis could be likened to a cat. Not so much because of his physical appearance, more so because of his demeanor. Like a cat he would only play with things so long as they entertained him, like a cat he never strained himself or went out of his way, and just like a cat he usually had a laid back, passive demeanor.

Although, like a cat he sometimes found himself too bored with current happenings, like a cat he found the hustle of too much noise to be strenuous, and very much like a cat, sometimes he wandered off, disappearing to who knows where for who knows how long.

And this time, Grell wasn't there to call him back.

The last time he could remember being fully conscious and aware of his surroundings was roughly a week ago. How much time had passed between that time and his darkest day, he did not know. Now, though, his conscious had started to stir, pulling him out of hazy dreams.

He opened his mouth slowly, jaw stiff and tongue swollen. Coughing felt like exhaling wood chips. Bleary eyes searched for some kind of liquid—anything to quench his parched throat.

"Hey, you're awake," a voice proclaimed, the noise splitting Sebastian's tender head and allowing a throbbing headache to pour forth. "Are you okay man?"

"Where am I?" Sebastian tried to ask, but the sound came out as a squeak he would have once been embarrassed by.

"You're probably really thirsty, huh?" the voice asked again, offering up a glass filled with what Sebastian assumed was water. "Drink up!" Gratefully, he took the glass and swallowed it down, not needing to be told again.

"Thank you," he said, voice back to normal. "Where am I?"

"You're about five miles out from the main city," the voice answered. "How'd you get all the way out here?"

Five miles away from the city—the edge of the city? Sebastian lived nearly in the heart of the fairly large area, so how _had _he managed to crawl so far away? Thinking back only gave him a pounding head, so instead he merely shrugged.

"I don't know."

"Oh," the voice said, sounding almost disappointed. "Do you need anything?" His tone seemed almost worried, and for a moment, Sebastian had to wonder how bad off he must look to elicit that kind of concern.

"A drink would be lovely," Sebastian answered, slowly sliding up into a sitting position. He hadn't realized it before, but it seemed as if he had been sleeping on the floor. Not even a floor, just dirt. Were they outside?

"You need more water?" the voice asked uncertainly.

"No alcohol," Sebastian corrected, leaning against a wall—apparently they weren't outside after all.

"We don't really have any of that," the voice answered. Sebastian finally looked over to see a boy, possibly fifteen. "Maybe some food would help, though."

"I'll pass," Sebastian replied bluntly, even as his stomach growled in retaliation.

"Okay," the boy answered hesitantly. Sebastian looked around his surroundings, wondering again how he had managed to get here in the first place. It seemed like they were in a barn of some sort, but there were not animals. Plenty of hay though.

"Where are we?" Sebastian asked after a moment, bringing the boy's attention back to him.

"A barn," he answered, stating the obvious, before adding on, "on my family's land. I found you in here this morning. I haven't told anyone yet."

"Why not?"

"Well," the boy let out a nervous laugh. "At first I thought you were dead."

"I wish," Sebastian muttered in annoyance. His mind had started to reset, ticking back in time and reliving the past few… days? Weeks? He needed to stop the thoughts quickly before they rewound too far. He needed a drink badly, maybe something else to top it off.

"Do you need a ride home or something, Mister?" the boy asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

"If you could drive me to the closest bar that would help," Sebastian answered, wondering if he could even stand up. It was cool and dark in the barn, no doubt it would be murderous to go outside, but he had to drown the hangover, drown his thoughts.

"I don't know," the boy answered uncertainly, probably thinking it was a bad idea to offer any kind of alcohol to one who couldn't even remember how he had ended up in a barn in the middle of nowhere.

"I can walk then," Sebastian said, standing up slowly, not really able to feel his legs. Not to mention the hammer that slammed into his head every time he inched upwards. Panting from the workout just trying to stand up had given him, he paused, leaning heavily against the wall.

"I'll drive you to the bar, if that's what you really want," the boy said after a long moment. He didn't want to offer up drinks to the strange man, but his conscious could no more let him just walk around in such a state. He would get himself, and maybe others, hurt.

"Thanks," Sebastian whispered, teeth clenched. The boy's talking didn't mix well with standing up. Hopefully his car was close.

Sebastian followed the boy out of the barn and to his car, which was thankfully close by. Even the short walk took a bit of time, though, as every step caused a percussion inside his skull. Was this how Grell felt when that boy hit him?

An acute pain not at all relating to his hangover overtook Sebastian, drowning his mind and brimming out his eyes.

"We're here," the boy said. Sebastian looked up in surprise. He knew the trip probably wouldn't be that long, but he couldn't even remember the boy starting the engine. Had he even stepped inside the car? Maybe this was all some twisted dream. Sebastian recalled reading that you know you're dreaming when you seem to get from one place to the next without any travel time.

"Thank you," he said, instead of asking the boy if he remembered anything. Surely it would seem like an insane question, and Sebastian didn't want a child around bugging him anymore.

"You're welcome," the boy answered, hands still gripping the steering wheel. "Take care of yourself." Sebastian slammed the car door shut and took an uneven step back, the boy's words echoing in his mind.

_Take care of yourself._

Maybe he would, but first, he needed something to dull the pain. He feared the pain more than he feared what dulling the pain might mean for him. To walk around without a sense of time or perception, stumbling and bumbling around until his conscious was able to rise out of the haze again.

Not needing any more encouragement, Sebastian entered the bar, which was luckily open. He had no idea what time it was, but he wasn't sure what he would do to kill time if the place had been locked tight, its dulling medicine withheld.

Inside it was dark and musky, stereotypical. Sebastian sat down at the bar and ordered a bottle of whatever was strongest, not bothering with a glass. The bartender plunked the cold drink in front of him and left him to it.

Sebastian brought the bottle up to his lips, inhaling the aroma a moment, before taking a short, sweet swig of the medicine. It tasted like ambrosia to someone as thirsty as he. Before long he forgot how many shots he had consumed, the number fleeing his memory like all other things. His surroundings, his background, Grell… it would all vanish in just another shot he knew.

Time started to move in that funny way time has; it sped up while no doubt slowing down. Sebastian brought the bottle up for another drink only to find the bottle emptied. Growling, he tossed the bottle to the side, hearing it shatter in response. The bartender stomped over, looking angry.

"I think you had better beat it," he warned, angry about the mess he would have to clean up.

"I'm a paying customer," Sebastian slurred, which of course, had no effect on the bartender.

"Get out of here, you bum," he growled, stomping off.

"Fuck you," Sebastian spat, standing on shaky ground and flipping the man off. He stumbled out of the bar to find twilight had just bled over the city. Apparently the bar had been open rather early for some reason, so Sebastian still had the whole night ahead of him.

After walking just far enough to put the bar out of sight, he started to consider this. What did he do with an entire night and no clear idea of where he was at? Could he find another bar; would they even serve him in this state?

_Take care of yourself_.

That boy from earlier had said that, and it sounded like a good idea, facing an entire night alone. The alcohol would wear off before the sun came up. He couldn't live knowing that the sun ticked like a time bomb under the horizon, just waiting to glare at him along with all the things the alcohol was making him forget.

Drugs were expensive and prescription medication never worked out. Overdosing was unreliable.

Guns were messy and who in their right mind would sell a gun to him in this state?

Wrist cutting seemed childish and had a low success rate anyways.

Drowning would be easy if he knew he could keep himself under or drug himself so that he couldn't wake up, but he had no way or will to do that.

Hanging would be cheap, if he could only find a place to do it, but he had heard of broken necks and paralysis cropping up instead of the intended result.

He shuffled towards an alley, looking around at his surroundings. He seemed to be in some kind of old neighborhood. The place was a bit rundown. He clumsily felt along the wall of one of the run down houses that formed an alley with the next-door business.

A few yards down he stopped and retched, all of his precious medicine slipping out, onto the heated pavement of the cool alley. He spat once in distaste and walked back towards the mouth of the alley, slumping down against the wall and closing his eyes.

He didn't bother to think back. He knew he couldn't, even if he tried. Yet… something very important was missing. It wasn't the same thing he was running from, but something that tugged on the edge of his mind like a siren's call. Something he had forgotten, but not on purpose…

Something…

What was it?

* * *

><p>A scream jarred him from his drunken slumber. He must have dozed off for a while, because the surreal hour of twilight had long passed, replaced with the eerie pitch-blackness of late night.<p>

The same scream, desperate, afraid.

Sebastian opened his eyes slowly, body moving sluggishly. Something about the scream felt like it was calling out to him directly. Why couldn't he move faster? His mind started to find its way out of the fog left behind by his earlier partaking. Just as expected, he had slept off the paralyzing alcohol, but he was still awaking from that sleep slowly.

The scream again; it sounded like a child's.

Sebastian managed to get on his feet and stumble out of the alley, looking around desperately for the sound. How had no one else heard it? How had a drunk awoken to the noise, yet the neighbors seemed oblivious? The scream sounded again, drawing Sebastian's attention to the surprisingly close source.

It was coming from the very house's wall he had napped against.

He rushed up the stairs to the front door as best he could, not making it all the way up before the door burst open. A man was stumbling towards the door, chasing the boy ahead of him who had flung the door open.

The man looked angry, to say the least, with a flushed face and uneven steps.

The boy… Sebastian wished he could say frightened, but frightened made it seem so much better than it was. The boy was shirtless, fleeing in utter terror, blooding cascading down his body. And he was headed straight for Sebastian.

"Get back here you piece of shit," the older man howled, barreling towards the door.

"Move!" the boy pleaded, but Sebastian—not realizing he was talking to him—stood there stupidly. The pause before the boy could maneuver around Sebastian was just long enough for the older man to catch up.

"You think you're pretty fucking great, don't you?" the man growled, grabbing the boy's neck. "Think running away's pretty fucking smart, huh?" The man's hand reeled back, intent obvious. The boy, trembling, with tears pouring from his eyes, turned away to face Sebastian.

Then it dawned on them both.

"Ciel?" Sebastian gasped, causing the man who had a hold of the boy to pause.

"Sebastian, please," he pleaded desperately, a mad look in his eye. Sebastian's body moved of its own accord, stepping forward and delivering a sharp blow to the older man's jaw as if Sebastian hadn't been drinking himself silly for who knows how long.

The man stumbled back, releasing Ciel in the process, who ran out of the house, dodging around Sebastian. The older man stood back up, looking as if the punch had only enraged him further.

"Trying to be a hero, huh?" he spat, moving towards Sebastian, who merely watched him, face blank.

"I'm going to kill you," Sebastian stated without inflection, as if stating the time. He lunged forward and landed another blow on the man, snapping his nose and earning a gush of blood. The older man stumbled back again, but was much quicker to retaliate, catching Sebastian off-guard.

The older man slammed his fist into Sebastian's stomach in a sharp uppercut, blood spurting from his mouth in response. Coughing, Sebastian wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth and went for the man again, but this time, after connecting, he didn't let up. His fists slammed again and again into the other man's flesh, wherever he could reach.

Although he had been inhibited for too long now, Sebastian was in painfully better condition physically, so it didn't take long for him to knock the other man unconscious. He rose up his foot over the fallen man's head, preparing to smash it in with all the strength he could muster.

"No!" a familiar voice interrupted, throwing himself in front of Sebastian. "Don't hurt him anymore!"

"He deserves this," Sebastian growled, ignoring the warning.

"I won't let you!" the boy grabbed onto Sebastian's leg. Angered by the interruption, Sebastian turned on the boy, fully prepared to smack him away. He glared at him, but instead of seeing Ciel there he saw…

Grell?

"Stop fighting!"

The fight.

That boy had hit him, knocking him out of the way. Sebastian turned his head slowly to observe his raised fist. His heart started to beat again, hammering in his chest. That boy from the fight had hit Grell to move him out of the way, and now… and now…

He almost did the same to Ciel.

Sebastian planted his feet on the ground and collapsed, panting hard. Ciel dropped to his knees next to him.

"Sebastian, what are you doing here?" he asked, still trembling from the entire encounter. "How did you find me?"

"Find you?" Sebastian asked stupidly, all the pain from the past weeks that he had repressed starting to rush forward.

"Where have you been?" Ciel accused. "Where did you go?" The boy gripped Sebastian by his shoulders and shook him. "What happened to you?"

"I'm so sorry Ciel," he whispered, placing his hands over the boy's. He looked up into his eyes, then down at his naked chest, observing the blood that dripped from the fresh wounds on his torso. "I should have stopped this sooner."

"Forget about me for a minute," Ciel spat angrily. "I've been dealing with this a long time."

"You shouldn't have to," Sebastian snapped.

"Maybe you shouldn't have run away then!" Ciel cried. Sebastian looked at him in surprise.

"I didn't run away," he said. "I just—."

"You just left me there," Ciel accused, leftover tears starting to escape. "You left me there and didn't say good-bye or anything."

"Ciel…" Sebastian whispered.

"Where did you go?" he demanded, trying to hold on to his crumbling mask. "Why did you leave me alone? You promised you wouldn't."

"Oh, Ciel," Sebastian whispered, gingerly taking the boy into his arms and wrapping him in a gentle hug. Rocking him back and forth a bit, he leaned his chin against the boy's head as sobs shook Ciel's body. "I'm so sorry."


	7. Chapter VII

**A/N: **_Hey guys, thanks for your continued loving support, first of all. Warning: mentions of suicide in this chapter._

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><p><em>Black Days<em>

_Chapter VII_

For a long few minutes they both sat there, Ciel's tears finally running dry, Sebastian's thoughts finally coming to a halt. Slowly but surely Ciel stopped trembling, his breathing slow and deep, almost as if he had fallen asleep. Sebastian continued to rock him gently, wondering how it was tears of his own hadn't sprung forth.

"Sebastian," Ciel whispered, proving he had indeed not fallen asleep. "What am I going to do?"

"You can worry about that later," Sebastian answered, finally releasing the boy to get a better look at him. His wounds had started to clot, but some of the more severe cuts still bled, albeit slowly. "First we need to get you taken care of."

Sebastian stood up, scooping up the boy in the process. He wasn't totally sure that he could carry both their weight in his current state, but at the same time he had the feeling he wouldn't drop him. He headed down the stairs, looking around to gauge his surroundings.

Slowly it dawned on him: they were relatively close to his apartment. How in the world he'd managed to wander so far back into the city was beyond him, but he was thankful for it nonetheless. He made his way to the main street, hailed a taxi, and they sped off towards the hospital.

The sight of the hospital stirred a long-buried emotion in him, but looking down at Ciel's now-sleeping form, he knew there was no choice. His wouldn't allow his own weakness to stop him from helping this boy.

He entered the sterile building, after generously tipping the taxi driver, and looked around for some sort of assistance. It didn't take long for a nurse to notice the bleeding and unconscious boy in his arms, and from there it was a matter of moments before Ciel was rushed away to the ER.

"Sir, what's your relation to the boy, and can you describe to me what exactly happened?" a nurse asked, juggling papers after they had taken Ciel away.

"I…" Sebastian considered the questions, thought back to the man who had been attacking Ciel—what had he done to him before he showed up? "I'm his guardian and a man was attacking him when I arrived home."

"Where is that man now?" the nurse asked worriedly. "You showed up through the front door—did you call the police?"

"I, uh, no," Sebastian answered. How had he overlooked something that obvious? "I have the address, though."

"Okay, give me that, I'll put in the call," the nurse commanded, handing over a piece of paper and pen. "If you want to go home, we'll call if anything comes up." The nurse smiled encouragingly at him, but Sebastian frowned. He had left his best friend within these sterile walls to die alone. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"That's okay, I'll wait," he answered.

"It might be a while," the nurse warned, looking at him worriedly.

"I have all the time in the world for that boy," Sebastian responded firmly, an odd sense of certainty overcoming him. The nurse looked slightly taken aback by this, but nodded.

"You can take a seat in the waiting room then," she said, gesturing. "If you get hungry or need a drink, the cafeteria's that way. I'll come get you as soon as we know more." Nodding Sebastian trooped over to the designated room and collapsed on one of the uncomfortable chairs.

He looked down at his shirt, to see it covered with blood—Ciel's blood. His hands too. A nauseas feeling clutched him and he quickly jumped up and headed towards the nearest bathroom, vomiting loudly just as he secured a toilet. At least, for once, he wasn't simply throwing up his "medicine."

Coughing, he spat out a mix of blood and vomit, his throat raw. He stripped his shirt off, tossing it in the trash on the way out, after he had rinsed his mouth as best he could. A nurse walked pass him and paused, doing a double take.

"Are you okay sir?" he asked worriedly.

"Fine," Sebastian answered. "Do you have a gift shop?"

The nurse gave him an odd look, but pointed the way nonetheless. Sebastian found the eerily cheerful place easily enough and started searching through the place for a clean shirt, and maybe if he was lucky they'd have some clean pants as well. Even knowing it was just pointless busy work, he threw himself into the search with gusto. Anything to distract himself from the thoughts that lingered in the dark depths of his mind.

After a little searching he found what he was looking for, even some new pants. He paid for the articles and made his way back to the bathroom to changed, tossing his pants in the same manor he had his shirt, exiting with a small bundle of clothes. Clothes for Ciel, because he would need them once he woke up.

Swallowing hard, Sebastian made his way back to the waiting room, disappointed to see no one waiting there for him. A nurse… Ciel… Grell… anyone.

He collapsed in a hard, plastic seat once more. Despite the public place and uncomfortable conditions, he soon fell into a dreamless sleep, and for that he was thankful.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Michaelis?" Someone was shaking Sebastian's shoulder and calling his name. He turned over, trying to turn away from the light and sound. "Sebastian Michaelis." Groggily he finally opened his eyes, his surrounding surprising him for a moment before everything came rushing back to him.<p>

"What is it?" he asked worriedly, all signs of sleepiness fleeing him as his heartbeat picked up.

"It's okay," a nurse whispered. He looked around to see the hospital was still mostly deserted. He wondered for a moment if the sun had come up yet.

"What's going on?" he asked again, worried still despite the nurse's comforting words.

"Ciel's awake," she answered. "Do you want to see him now?" Sebastian quickly stood up, and not needing any more inclination, the nurse led him to the room where Ciel laid, relaxed but alert.

"Ciel, there's someone here to see you," the nurse announced happily, stepping aside to reveal Sebastian. "I'll leave you two; if you need anything just use the pager." With one last cheery smile the nurse backtracked out of the room, and Sebastian entered, closing the door softly behind him.

"How are you feeling?" he whispered, approaching Ciel uncertainly, as if the child might break if he moved too quickly.

"Like shit," the boy answered, a bleak smile on his lips. "But that's not really new."

"I'm so sorry I didn't stop this sooner," Sebastian muttered, gingerly touching the boy's freshly bandaged shoulder.

"It's not like I asked you to stop it," Ciel answered, shrugging his hand off. "I kept it hidden from you." Sebastian pulled up a chair and took a seat, inching forward as close as he could.

"Why would you keep something like this hidden?" he asked in frustration. "Although I can hardly blame you; I saw the scars myself and chose to ignore them."

"I had wondered why you let me off the hook so easily, after you saw them," Ciel mused, looking surprisingly… hurt.

"I don't know," Sebastian growled. "Maybe I thought they were a rare occurrence, or maybe I hoped you would just come out and tell me about them."

"You should know better than to trust me to be open about something like this," Ciel rebuked, turning away.

"Yes, I should have," Sebastian agreed sadly. They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, both afraid to say anything more. Apologies lingered on their lips, uncertainties danced in their minds. Finally, it was Sebastian who brought up a day so long ago.

"You were asking me something," he recalled. "The day of the fight—the last day of school. What were you going to ask me?" Ciel, turning his attention back to Sebastian, looked puzzled for a brief moment before understanding dawned on him.

"Oh that," he whispered. He paused again, with Sebastian watching him carefully and waiting patiently. Then, to both of their surprise, he smiled. "It doesn't matter."

"Really?" Sebastian asked, not totally buying into it.

"Yeah, it wasn't anything important," Ciel answered, shrugging.

"Wasn't anything important like that fact that you were being abused or wasn't anything important like the weather outside?" Sebastian asked angrily, a familiar frustration with the boy overtaking him once again. Why couldn't Ciel just say these things? Why did he have to suffer in his own darkness? Why couldn't he just see that Sebastian was here for him, regardless of what else happened in his life?

"Don't get all uppity," Ciel muttered. "It was nothing."

"Excuse me for worrying over you, because I'm so sure that there's never anything to worry about," Sebastian snapped.

"Knock it off," Ciel said, those same determined eyes that haunted Sebastian turning on him.

"I'm just…" Sebastian trailed off, unsure of how to phrase what he had been feeling since he saw Ciel—that fear in the boy's eyes as he ran away. "I just don't know what would have happened if I hadn't shown up. What if you just had never shown up to class one day and no one knew where you had gone?"

"Then I would have disappeared," Ciel answered simply. "It's not like anyone would have cared." Sebastian's previously bowed head snapped up in surprise at this. After all this time the boy still thought that it didn't matter? That he didn't care?

Had he so totally failed as a teacher? As a fellow human being?

Wordlessly, Sebastian stood up and turned towards the door. He heard Ciel call out his name worriedly, but ignored the boy and walked out of the room, out of the hospital, back towards his apartment. He wasn't sure at first what he was going to do. He knew he had a store of drinks there so that would be his first focus.

To drown out all thoughts.

He had other things at his apartment that he didn't have when he was wandering the streets, too. Privacy, for one. Supplies, for another.

Ciel's words made him sick. He hadn't made a difference, even while he was present in the boy's life, in the end it didn't matter. Ciel still believed his life to be worthless. Even beyond Ciel he couldn't make a difference. He was so focused on helping Ciel—failing at helping him—that he wasn't even quick enough to save his own best friend. The farm boy from another lifetime had said something as he dropped Sebastian off at the bar earlier.

_Take care of yourself._

Sebastian looked around in surprise to find himself already back at his apartment—in his kitchen, bottle in hand. Had he been drinking already? He couldn't even tell the difference any more. His heart thudded unevenly in his chest.

_Take care of yourself._

Violently he smashed the bottle against the countertop, shards of glass and pale liquid flying everywhere in response. Slowly, he started to shake, rage building up. A hatred at himself for all he had failed to do.

_Take care of yourself._

He bit his lip—hard—to stop it from trembling, but it was no use. The tears he had avoided for so long started to leak out of his eyes, his violently shaking body making them fall in odd places throughout the kitchen as he stumbled about.

_Take care of yourself._

He started to pull out drawers, briefly looking at the contents before tossing the whole thing aside. Glass, wood, and other materials made a cacophony of noise as they crashed carelessly to the floor. Sebastian knew what he was searching for, but couldn't find it quickly enough.

_Take care of yourself. _

Finally, he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the long, sharp blade and pressed the tip to his jugular. Tears finally streaming down his face, he gave a single humorless laugh, not wincing when the blade pricked him in response.

_Finally, after all this time, I cry._

He thrust the blade into his throat and the world went black.

* * *

><p>Ciel sat on his bed in the hospital, gripping the fresh clothes that Sebastian had left him. He stared out the window as the sun refused to come out. The new day, instead, was heralded by rain. A nurse walked in, setting his breakfast on the side table, before slipping out again.<p>

Ciel ignored the tempting smell, thinking instead of Sebastian. He was worried that he had said something wrong to his teacher, and not for the first time, he wondered what could have happened to the man after Grell Sutcliffe's death.

School had ended and Ciel had found his way home, back to his own miserable way of surviving day to day. He had, for some reason or another, expected Sebastian to show up and save him, although he never imagined it would be in quite the way it had happened.

He owed Sebastian his life and he was thankful, but it was hard for him to admit that openly. One of the nurses had mentioned that the man who brought him in… they refered to him as his guardian, so Sebastian had lied about who his father was. Ciel had played along, not really minding the idea.

He just wished that his only friend in this miserable world had not left the way he did.

Something about the look in his eyes had frightened Ciel.

Something in his chest clenched as the rain appeared out of the gray clouds.

Something felt very wrong about this day.


	8. Chapter VIII

_Black Days_

_Chapter VIII_

Ciel stood before the fresh grave, silently observing the white stone.

"You taught me so much," he murmured. "I wonder who else you talked to, who else you helped."

The sun had finally broken through the clouds after what felt like an entire week of pouring rain. The clouds seemed harmless now, white fluffs floating gently. They almost seemed welcoming, comforting. The blue sky did something to warm Ciel's heart. Something about it all gave him a deep sense of reassurance.

"If you hadn't told me what you had, then this might have ended up a lot worse than what it did," he commented, lowering his eyes back to the grave. "I don't think he even realized how much pain he was in. I don't think it ever dawned on him that I noticed."

A gentle breeze ruffled the tree branches and teased his hair. The day was warm, but it would no doubt be cooling off soon enough, if the turning color of the trees' leaves were any indication.

"You didn't waste your life," Ciel continued. "You saved me and you saved him. I hope that counts for something. I hope you're at peace with everything. We miss you every day." He kneeled down before the grave, gently patting the earth once before leaving the bundle of red flowers by the gravestone.

"Ciel!" a familiar voice called. He stood up and turned around to see Sebastian walking towards him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, glancing down at the grave, a certain sadness in his eyes. But it was a different sadness than the one Ciel had seen there so many times before. It was a sadness that was long lasting but understanding and accepting.

"I never had the proper chance to say good-bye to Mr. Sutcliffe," Ciel answered, brushing himself off. His eyes drifted down to the white bandages enwrapping Sebastian's neck and a chill raced down his spine despite the fair weather.

"Me either," he muttered, stepping beside the boy and kneeling down. "Grell…"

For a long moment they were both silent, reflecting back on all that had happened and no doubt both their thoughts ended on the same thing. Sebastian reached his hand up and gingerly touched the bandages. He had been lucky.

If not for Ciel, he would have died.

Ciel looked down at his former teacher, a tight sadness in his eyes, but his heart filled with a cautious hope.

The day he sat in the hospital, watching as the rain drenched the city, he had the acute feeling that something was very wrong. Something felt out of place—something was missing. He paged the nurse, who hurried into his room.

"What is it?" she asked fretfully.

"Do you know if Sebastian left?" he asked, not looking away from the window.

"Someone mentioned seeing him exit a few hours ago, I believe," she answered. "Why, do you need to talk to him?"

"Yes, right away," Ciel requested. Without another word the nurse took off to phone the number Sebastian had left them. Ciel sat there, eyes betraying nothing as his thoughts clashed in turmoil. The first thing on his mind was…

His father was a bastard.

There was no other way to put it. Not in the teasing way he sometimes used with Sebastian, but in the way that would make any sane person sick. Ciel shuddered, forcing himself to think of all the times the man had laid hands on him. He made a practice of never looking at the scars. Seeing them could only remind him of every time it happened.

Some specialist or doctors might debate the reason his father acted like he did. Maybe one of them would say it was because the scars that lined _his _body, added there over the years he had lived with his father—Ciel's grandfather. Maybe some would say it was due to a sick heart after his mother had left them.

But no, Ciel knew the real reason. It wasn't a noble reason or one that made his father seem like just as much the victim. It was the alcohol he consumed night after night, changing him from the man Ciel once knew into a monster that he prayed would never wake up. Each and every morning he left before the man woke up, angered at his hangover. Every night he stayed away for as long as he could.

Ciel _knew_ he was the only victim in this cycle.

He refused to seek help because he knew it would cause more of a burden than anyone would want to shoulder, him most of all. What if he had run away? Then he wouldn't have what little shelter and food he had. What if he asked to be removed from the home? All it would have taken was a single look at his deep scars, but then he would have to intrude on someone else. Make himself an inconvenience and a burden.

Everyone had their own style, and that just wasn't his.

"Ciel, the phone number he gave us isn't going through," the nurse said, snapping him from his thoughts and causing him to jump.

"Let me see the number," he asked with a frown. She handed over the paper it had been scribbled on, and it was the right number, so why wasn't it going through? "Did he give you an address?" She handed him another piece of paper.

"Is it right?" the nurse asked in concern.

"Yes, can someone take me to this place?" he asked, standing up. His legs shook a bit from sitting so long.

"You can't go in your condition," the nurse told him gently. "We can send someone over to fetch him if it's an emergency. Would that be okay?"

"Yes, but you should send someone right away," Ciel said, feeling a rush of confusion. Why was he suddenly being so insistent about this? The nurse must have been wondering the same thing.

"Is there any particular reason why?" she asked kindly. The tone irritated Ciel a bit, but he nodded and explained as best he could anyways.

"I have a really bad feeling," he confessed. "It would help put my mind at ease." Without any further explanation the nurse nodded curtly and left. A doctor came in a bit later and started examining Ciel, who realized the nurse must have been thinking that he himself was feeling bad, not that he had a bad feeling.

"Did that nurse send someone over to Sebastian's house?" he asked the doctor, growing more and more frustrated with his tests.

"Yes, they did," he answered. "In fact, we should be hearing from someone very soon." He continued his ministrations as Ciel thought back to his father and the situation he had put him in.

Now Ciel was being a burden to Sebastian. Taking him to the hospital, buying him news clothes, hell, making him lunch for all those months. And to what ends? He had talked to Grell about it, because he had been afraid to directly confront Sebastian.

The energetic red-head actually took on a serious tone for a brief moment. Just long enough to explain Sebastian's situation and why he paid such special attention to Ciel. He said that Sebastian had grown up in a poor area. They didn't know much about each other's families, but they both had a personal fire lit up under them to make "that big difference" in at least one person's life.

For Sebastian, that person had been Ciel.

Ciel found the attention—the thought and possibility—frightening. He had never had someone care about him so much. His response to it was to avoid it, if at all possible, or at least lessen it. He honestly didn't know how else to handle it. But Grell told him something else about Sebastian that worried him.

He had started drinking more lately.

Grell explained that lately Sebastian had grown discouraged with the entire "system" of how things were done. The school made him ill, sometimes literally, and he stopped finding the joys outside of the school that kept the fire burning within him. Grell had noticed it for a while, but it was nearly impossible to get through to him. He tried to take him out, get him to go places, do things, but Sebastian had started to turn down a very dark path.

Of course, Grell had sworn Ciel to secrecy. He couldn't mention anything to Sebastian, but he started to notice the signs after Grell pointed them out. They were the same signs he had seen in his father long ago, and that thought frightened him more than the attention Sebastian had started to show him.

His condition seemed to only get worse as time wore on, so Ciel knew that taking care of him was just an added bonus to his strife. He couldn't stand the idea, so he tried to resist the idea of Sebastian caring for him. Yet the man had shown up just when he needed him most—even volunteered to play the role of his guardian so that his father wouldn't get involved.

"Oh that must be them," the doctor said, interrupting Ciel's thoughts.

"Who?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"The people we sent over to his house," he explained kindly. He talked to them for a moment, seemingly normal, but then his face started to fall, lips twitching downwards.

"What's wrong?" Ciel asked worriedly. The doctor seemed to suddenly recall his presence.

"Hold on, I'll ask him," the doctor told the people on the other end of the phone line before turning to Ciel. "Are you sure he would be home right now?"

"Of course," Ciel answered like it was the stupidest question he'd ever heard. "I'm honestly surprised he's not here in the hospital." The doctor nodded, frowning still, and turned his attention back to the phone, relaying what Ciel had told him. After a moment he lowered the phone again to talk to Ciel, the worried look creasing his brow.

"Ciel, this may worry you, but I need you to stay calm," the doctor explained carefully. "Did Sebastian have any kind of… issues? Issues that might affect his judgment?"

"He drank," Ciel answered honestly, albeit haltingly. "He never seemed violent, just sad though," he continued, defending Sebastian as a thought occurred to him: what if they separated Sebastian from him for good because they considered him a bad influence?

"Okay," the doctor said, not giving any indication of how the answer effected the situation. He pulled the phone back up to his ear. "Do it."

"What's going on?" Ciel asked worriedly.

"The neighbors reported seeing him go up, but he seemed abnormally troubled," the doctor explained. "They heard a lot of noise—things crashing around and whatnot. One called the police, but we're going in now."

They both waited in silence for a moment, the doctor with the phone up to his ear, Ciel's attention fully focused on his face, waiting for the slightest twitch of indication. So he noticed immediately, before the doctor had time to mask it, when the color drained from the man's face.

"Stay here," he commanded Ciel. "I'll send someone in to talk to you right away I promise." He hurried out of the room, not waiting for a response. The only other piece of information Ciel received was his command of "Bring him up _now_" as he exited the room.

Just like that, he was alone, left to wonder what could have possibly happened.

He reclined back on his bed, despite his unease, listening carefully for any unusual sounds. The sound he heard wasn't difficult to pick out, though. The sound of an ambulance siren wailing jarred him, causing him to bolt up and out of his bed. He tried to calm himself: this was a hospital after all, surely the ambulances came in during all hours.

A moment later a nurse entered the room, just as he was considering leaving to find out what had happened.

"Ciel, do you want to sit down a moment?" she asked, frustratingly calm, with a cheap smile plastered on her face. "I can explain everything and answer any questions you have."

"About what?" Ciel asked, mistrust in his eyes as he refused to move from the spot he stood.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit down?" she asked again, patience radiating forth from her. When she saw he had no intention of moving she nodded slowly and started to explain, "You know Mr. Michaelis, correct?"

"Of course I know him!" Ciel yelled, no longer able to take her calm pace. "Tell me what happened, damn it!"

"Ciel, Mr. Michaelis was found in his apartment earlier," she explained, taking a seat herself. "They told me the place was pretty messy, and… were you aware he had a drinking problem?"

"Yes," Ciel answered, uncertain about her approach. "Why?"

"They found him in the kitchen, he had apparently drunk a large amount in a short period of time," she continued. "He had a knife wound to his neck, but he's still alive as of right now."

"A knife wound?" Ciel gasped. "Did someone attack him?" The nurse looked at Ciel with pity in her eyes, and she shook her head sadly.

"No dear," she concluded. "We're thinking he attempted to take his own life."

"He tried to kill himself?" Ciel whispered, mind reeling. "Why would he do that?" he screamed, shaking. "Why would he do something that stupid?"

"Ciel, you need to calm down or I'll have to sedate you," the nurse warned, although she remained sitting—probably to appear nonthreatening.

"Calm down?" he yelled. "My best friend tried to kill himself, how am I supposed to calm down?" The nurse made no response, instead she pushed a small red button on the pager in her hand that Ciel hadn't noticed before then.

"I know it's a lot to take in," she granted, finally standing up. "But he's okay for now—we're not sure what his chances are, but you should rest until then. Getting worked up won't help anything."

"I don't want to rest—!" Ciel was cut short as a couple of larger men entered the room, one hold a silver tray with some medical supplies, including some pale green fluid.

"Please take a seat," the nurse asked. "This is for your own health."

There were to be no arguments, so Ciel had unwillingly complied. He knew they wouldn't leave him alone, so this had to be the next best thing to have time to himself. The medicine had flowed smoothly through his veins and before he knew it, a dark slumber crept over him.

* * *

><p>Sebastian stood up, brushing the dirt from his pants. Ciel looked up at him, uncertain of what to say. This was the first time he had seen him since he left those clothes on his bed. The last time he saw Sebastian the man was leaving in a rush… off to kill himself.<p>

No, Ciel knew that couldn't be true. He honestly didn't believe that Sebastian had planned on taking his own life that night. He knew it had to be a spur of the moment occurrence. So it was that his first question surprised Sebastian.

"Are you stalking me?"

"Stalking you?" Sebastian echoed, utterly confused.

"I'm kidding," Ciel replied, a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Oh."

For a moment they were silent, but then they both started laughing uncontrollably.

"What the hell?" Ciel asked breathlessly. "What the hell is wrong with the two of us? We laugh at the stupidest of things."

"It's part of our charm," Sebastian answered wisely, before wincing. "Although I have to admit laughing hurts my throat a bit more than it once did."

"Why did you do it?" Ciel asked openly, now that some of the tension had been absolved.

"I wish I could say you're too young to understand," Sebastian began, eyes still trained on the grave, refusing to meet Ciel's gaze. "But I know now that's not true.

"Maybe it's for much the same reason you never sought out the help you needed."

"My father being a roaring drunk and you trying to off yourself are the same?" Ciel asked, not understand the analogy.

"I don't know why you never stopped the abuse," Sebastian admitted. "But I don't know why I tried to kill myself, either." Ciel reached up a hand and took a hold of Sebastian's sleeve, giving him a firm shake. Sebastian looked down at the boy, confused.

"I didn't want to burden anyone," Ciel said. "And you wanted to take a gift away from the world. They're nothing alike." Sebastian looked at him again, this time in surprise. The wind whispered between them as they cast into another easy silence, Ciel still holding onto his sleeve.

"I think it will truly be a long time before either of us fully understands," Sebastian conceded at last. "Speaking of which: what are you going to do now?" Sighing in defeat Ciel released his sleeve, looking back to the grave again.

"I couldn't hide the fact that my father was abusing me," Ciel admitted. "They're going to lock him up because I had to admit it."

"Why couldn't you hide it?" Sebastian asked confused yet not at all opposed to this turn of events.

"They were asking about you," he explained. "So I had to tell them that you were actually my teacher. Then I had to tell them about my real family, and then some way or another, the origin of the scars slipped out." He paused and looked up at the sky, smiling a bit. "I can't say I'm devastated by it, but at the same time I know I'll have to burden someone."

"Are you going to try to run away?" Sebastian asked knowingly. Ciel winced a bit at the accurate assumption.

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to verbalize it, but yes," he responded without regret. "Will you stop me?"

"Of course not," Sebastian scoffed. "Although I will offer you an alternative." Ciel turned back to him in surprised.

"An alternative?"

"Yes," Sebastian began, smiling gently at him as he explained. "I have to get away from this place now. There are too many bad memories, too many dark alleys haunting me." He paused to look back at Grell's grave before continuing, "This grave is only the marker that starts it all. I'll hate leaving the school on some level, but I know I won't be of any use there now. Not with everything about the place reminding me of things I'd rather not think about. And that's the other thing.

"I have to stop drinking and I honestly can't say when I got into the habit, but I know I have to kick it. If I keep a bottle close, if I keep using it as a solution, then I'll never truly escape this darkness in my heart. And that is truly worse than death."

"What does that have to do with me?" Ciel asked with an honest curiosity in his eyes.

"If I keep this darkness close at hand," Sebastian explained, "then I will try to kill myself again. And next time I might not be so lucky. You see, we both need to get away from here, Ciel." He broke his gaze away from the boy, looking at the grave and closing his eyes for a moment, before turning and walking away.

"Hey wait!" Ciel called, jogging to catch up with him. "What do you mean by all that?"

"I mean," Sebastian answered, smiling lightly once more, "that we should pack up and move out together. Go somewhere new where our pasts can't haunt us." He stopped suddenly, causing Ciel to stumble as he tried to stop quickly. "You are the only light from my past that still burns bright," Sebastian whispered, placing his hands on the boy's shoulders.

"Sebastian?"

Grinning, he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on Ciel's forehead, causing the younger boy to blush furiously.

"H-hey!" he griped through clenched teeth, unable to hide his embarrassment.

"Come on, Ciel," Sebastian said, dropping his hands to his side and walking off once more. A familiar smirk crossed his face. "We have brighter days ahead of us now."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Had you going for a while, didn't I? Thanks to everyone who followed along, especially those that reviewed. The official song of this story is _Anything But Ordinary _by Avril Lavigne. Until next time: write on!_


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